The Future

It's the 21st century and yet instead of robot maids, we have robots that do little more than rob us of our money and our dignity.

Spotters

If I wanted to get yelled at by a meathead, I'd hide Lou Ferrigno's hearing aids.

Scooters that pretend to be motorcycles

These counterfeit hogs are about as convincing as a midget on stilts.

KFC Famous Bowls

Like a last meal on death row, this dish was designed to provide momentary comfort to those whose futures are bleak.

Gallagher Too

He gained notoriety for stealing the act of his sledge-hammer wielding brother, Gallagher. To counteract this affront, Gallagher (America’s foremost authority in the War on Watermelon) refocused his wrath and slapped him with a lawsuit. And thank God. Because we need another Gallagher like we need another Hepatitis.

Cads

The adorable Cockney accent will only get you so far, you scamps.

Nunchucks

These relatively ineffective chain sticks are far less threatening than they appear—not unlike whale sharks or Sylvester Stallone.