20080627

Proboscis monkeys


Keep it in your pants, monkey!

20080626

Silver foxes


These dead sexy elderly gents reek of money, Brute, and colostomy bags.

20080620

Black tar heroin


This low-rent smack is the Willis to Drummond’s China white.
(Only speculating, Nana.)

20080609

Cloud City pilots


At least Ace and Gary maintained a little ambiguity.

Pant suits


This one-time symbol of empowerment has been reduced to a punch line—no thanks to Hillary Clinton and Dennis Kucinich.

20080605

Foreign toilets


Squaws in labor have had an easier go of it.

20080604

Great white sharks


The jerks of the sea.

Dockers


This brand of trousers generally looks good only on white Anglo-Saxon protestant males playing golf in the early '90s.

Little people


Unlike dwarves (who are strong and loyal) and midgets (who are fine actors and huggable), little people do little more than stew about life's inequities—like roller coaster regulations and coyote attacks.

20080603

Hot girls with a token fat friend


This devious ploy creates an optical allusion that heightens their attractiveness by juxtaposing themselves with acute homeliness. However, some insist this tactic is just an urban legend: namely, Rumer Willis.