Proboscis monkeys

Keep it in your pants, monkey!


Silver foxes

These dead sexy elderly gents reek of money, Brute, and colostomy bags.


Black tar heroin

This low-rent smack is the Willis to Drummond’s China white.
(Only speculating, Nana.)


Cloud City pilots

At least Ace and Gary maintained a little ambiguity.

Pant suits

This one-time symbol of empowerment has been reduced to a punch line—no thanks to Hillary Clinton and Dennis Kucinich.


Foreign toilets

Squaws in labor have had an easier go of it.


Great white sharks

The jerks of the sea.


This brand of trousers generally looks good only on white Anglo-Saxon protestant males playing golf in the early '90s.

Little people

Unlike dwarves (who are strong and loyal) and midgets (who are fine actors and huggable), little people do little more than stew about life's inequities—like roller coaster regulations and coyote attacks.


Hot girls with a token fat friend

This devious ploy creates an optical allusion that heightens their attractiveness by juxtaposing themselves with acute homeliness. However, some insist this tactic is just an urban legend: namely, Rumer Willis.