20080928

Granny panties


Like Buicks, these behemoths are only forgivable if you're in your golden years or subsequent dementia years.*


*Clinically known as "Fool's Golden Years."

20080925

Claymates


Unlike the disciples, these followers betrayed their chosen one because of their devotion to Jesus.

Melissa Etheridge


True to her musical influences, this corn-fed crooner melds the sensibility of Springsteen with the unlistenability of Springfield.

Greyhound bus conversations


Huffing Scotchgard under power lines is a more enriching experience.

20080924

Meter maids


The most loathsome kind of maid this side of Tony Danza.

Randoms who ruin your photos


These people are to photos as moles are to Enrique Iglesias.

Oxygen bars


Snickers bars are more satisfying.

Jet skiers


Like the Yankees, these athletes pride themselves on the timelessness of their uniforms.

Ironic Hitler mustaches


Too soon, man. Too soon.

20080911

House painters


They're like real painters, but with late-stage alcoholism instead of talent.